UNDERSTAND NEGATIVE MIND CHATTER

---

 WHAT IS NEGATIVE MIND CHATTER

This is sometimes negative thoughts. Negative mind chatter is usually telling you something negative about yourself. It is telling you that you are lacking in value, that  you can't meet the challenge. 

There are many things to consider to get negative mind chatter under control. Look at the questions below. Abusive people  use your weakness, sometimes even your strengths against you. It  reaches a point where they don't need to say something because you have believed it before this and your brain continually reminds you that what the abuser said is true.

Look at the questions and ask yourself if you have felt safe to  follow your own conscience. If  not, is someone controlling you? How are they controlling you?

DO YOUR RESPECT YOURSELF?

Is there something in your past or someone who has made you feel less of  a person? Are you living up to your personal values? Can you say you can be trusted? Do you keep your word? 

What are your personal values? What do you consider moral? It is naturally going to be different than what someone else believes. Where do you draw the line on honesty? Is it stealing to take home some pens from work or is it OK? If someone else has no problem with this does it give you permission to do the same or do you have a different standard? This is not to say what is right or wrong, it's to ask you do define what is acceptable behavior for you and what is not. Once you know what you expect of yourself, you will know the direction to move in to develop more self-respect. It is simply enforcing your own standard. You may say, "yes. I do respect myself. I live up to my standards."You are definitely on the road to a more contented life.

"We distinguish the excellent man from the common man by saying that the former is the one who makes great demands upon himself, and the latter who makes no demands on himself." --Jose Ortega y Gasset 

DO YOU TRUST YOURSELF?

Do you follow your intuition? Do you make sensible decisions? Is your judgement sound? Do you have common sense? Do you learn from your mistakes?   How do you make your decisions? Can you look back and say that your decisions were sound or were they spontaneous and maybe not the best choice? Did you think about what you would do or was it an impulse? Do you know the difference between your natural mind and  your intuition? Are you capable of taking information and using it to solve a problem based on this particular situation? If not, do you have friends who can help you work through the problems to a suitable solution? Not everyone is good at coming to a conclusion, but that can be learned. Do you believe in yourself more than you believe in others when there is a conflict? This is not the same as an open-minded attitude. This is when you know what you believe, but can be talked out of it.  You might want to look at SETTING BOUNDARIES.

DO YOU SHOW TOLERANCE TOWARD YOURSELF?

Do you dwell on the negative or do you balance it out with positives. You may not normally think positively, your negative mind chatter may drag you down, but you can develop the habit of thinking positively, creating an attitude of optimism and hope. 

HOW DO YOU SEE YOURSELF?

Think about some of your positive traits and your negative traits. Most people have no trouble coming up with negative traits. However, dwelling on the negative has it's negative (pardon the pun), points. If you ignore positive attributes, actions, behaviors, you will naturally continue negative behavior. 

If you have trouble remembering all the good qualities you possess, you can ask someone else, but you may not believe them. Maybe it's time to look at the negative and see what's happening. Are you aware of the negative mind chatter that goes on in your mind? Some say that normal thoughts are 90% negative and 10% positive. It becomes so common that most people don't even hear it. They just react to it. 

IS THE BAD GOOD?

Look  at your negative mind chatter and ask yourself if it is helping you in some way. Is it protecting you from an unpleasant situation? Is it protecting a fear?   When I began breaking away from an abusive relationship I said I wanted to go to  work. The answer was, "As tired as you always are, you could never work eight hours a day and keep up with the house." Unfortunately, he was right.   I didn't realize at that time that living with an abusive person was the reason why I was so tired. So my negative mind chatter reminded me that he was right again. He added to anything I would have naturally said to myself. I was overwhelmed with negative thoughts about what I could not do and who I was not as a person. So anything else negative he said made me listen to my negative mind chatter.  This one comment also kept me isolated, which is one of an abuser's tricks. Look at the list below and use your own  words, words that have been spoken to you in your past.

Even though narcissistic words hurt, your mind accepts the words because some part of you tends to believe the negative mind chatter is protecting you. 

You may have been brought up to believe some part of your natural personality was inappropriate, or not acceptable for some reason. Many people who have the I Influential personality (look at  "HOW OTHERS VIEW YOU" and  "DISC PERSONALITIES") for a better understanding of how this person could be adversely affected by the criticism. They desperately need approval for who they are and another personality parent could easily damage them. No matter what their personality, it is not always easy to understand another person, but each of us needs acceptance. 

Your thinking tends to bring about self-fulfilling prophecy. "If you believe you can, you're right. If you believe you can't, your right."

This article asks a lot of questions. Considering the answers will help you understand more of who you are and help you move forward. Now is a good time for introspection, to look at yourself and move toward a higher level. Accept yourself for who you are now, but don't stop there. Move forward. Be all that you can be. You owe it to yourself. Also take a look at  DISTORTED THINKING.

IT'S YOUR LIFE! APPRECIATE IT! ENJOY IT!

© Copyright LifeSkills International 2000