I have watched many narcissist videos and since I have had personal experience with a narcissist and an emotional abuser, I find that they have some similar characteristic, but also different ones. In other words, all narcissists are abusers, but not all abusers are narcissists. I am describing the narcissist in this article and will describe an abusive person in another article.
I will put this information and the reference links at the end of this page.
Narcissistic personality disorder affects both men and women, and it often begins in the teens or early adulthood. Although some children may show traits of narcissism, this may simply be typical of their age and they will probably grow out of it. Don’t worry about them.
HERE IS A LIST OF NARCISSISTIC BEHAVIORS
- Behave in an arrogant or haughty style, coming across as conceited, boastful and exaggerated. Actually part of them really believes that they are the greatest thing in the world. They deserve the best life has to offer.
- Are preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or the perfect love that they deserve.
- Believe that they are special and only special people or organizations can recognize how special they are. This, they believe will make them be more important by looking more important.
- Insist on having the best of everything, the best car, the best boat, the best home or the best office, usually the most expensive. They equate money with showing how special they are.
- Have a need for excessive admiration. They are envious of other people and believe other people envy them.
- Assume they have a right to special treatment. They expect you to think they are as special as they think they are.
- Take advantage of others to get what they want. They usually choose people who are unable to fight back. They are bullies. They use the needs and feelings of others to advance their agenda. They have no compassion.
- Monopolize conversations and belittle or look down on people they see as inferior. That usually means the rest of us are divided into two groups. Either we can be used to help them succeed or we can be walked on as insignificant persons.
- Expect special favors and unquestioning compliance with what they require
- Cannot handle criticism or defeat. They believe they are always “right” and if questioned, will stick to the idea that they are right and the other person is wrong no matter what proof is available.
- Live in an “I win, you lose” view of life. If they feel they might lose, they will often explode with anger. However, if they think it will make them look better in front of the people they are trying to impress, they may even act humble.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THEY DON’T GET THEIR WAY?
- Damage relationships and create problems by feeling hurt and upset, at home, at work or at school.
- Are unable to handle criticism well, if at all
- Have a tendency toward substance abuse, prescription drug abuse, alcohol, food and many other addictions
- Are moody, depressed or anxious and have other physical health problems. They are under a lot of stress. Trying to be someone you are not, is very stressful. They experience many other major problems dealing with stress.
- Can’t handle change
- Frequently make a mess of their lives
- Spend money they don’t have and do impulsive or dangerous things to prove they are important. They may be a show-off. “Look what I can do!”
- Become impatient or angry when they don't get special treatment or don’t get their way
- React with rage or contempt and try to belittle the other person to make themselves appear superior or to intimidate the other person
- Have difficulty handling emotions and behavior. The rage is an example of that.
- Feel depressed and moody because they fall short of the success they so desire. It must be a terrible way to live, never quite reaching the goal of superiority they so greatly desire, always almost within reach, but never quite. Even if they do reach some aspect of receiving the admiration they desire, it’s never enough. They are trying to fill an empty black hole that never gets filled. They are constantly hungry for more.
- Have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, vulnerability . Every once in a while these feelings come out and they get depressed.
- Have thoughts of suicidal or attempt, but fail at suicide. Once in a while they don’t fail.
- Brain malfunction
- I believe this is the most common. Early childhood where the parent either spoiled them to the point that they were never allowed to make a mistake and learn and mature. Someone always bailed them out. Or the parent criticized them for everything they did and for who they are. Their natural, inherited personality was unacceptable to the parent.
Sometimes, I think the child who acts in an “I Want,” “Look at me” attitude, which is natural for a child, never grew up. They just grew older.
Unless the narcissist wants to change, they can't be helped. Borderline Narcissists (I’ll discuss this in another article) have a better rate of overcoming this disorder, but even then the rate is low.
Sound like someone you know? Are people often upset with him? Is it hard for him to keep relationships? Does he tend put himself first and think he knows the only “right” way?
Someone can behave like a narcissist and not have the disorder. He may be self-absorbed and hyper-competitive, but not to the extent that it disrupts his daily life. Also he may be under a great deal of stress and is in survival mode. When he gets out of the stress, he will no longer act like a narcissist.
It’s proven that most people are drawn to narcissists and find them attractive, charismatic, and exciting. Confidence is charming. And successful leaders are often more assertive and demanding.
Narcissistic Personality Inventory,
a list of 40 questions that measures things such as how much attention and power someone craves.