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CHARACTERISTICS
OF AN ABUSIVE PERSONALITY
This information is from the Houston
Women's Center. The first 4 are often present in an abusive person,
If 3 or more are present, the person is abusive. If only 1 or 2
extreme reactions exist, the person is abusive. The behavior becomes
more extreme with time and is meant to dominate. It can lead to
death.
1. An abusive past.
Circumstances don't make a person abusive. Nobody made them become
abusive toward another person, no matter what they say.
2. Jealousy. This
person says it is a sign of love but is really a sign of insecurity
and possessiveness. Questions about whom you talked to or why, accusations
of flirting, jealous of family, friends, children, frequently checking
up on you, signs of dominating behavior.
3. Threats of violence.
Any threat of violence. Most men don't threaten other men.
4. Controlling your behavior.
He says he is protecting you, helping
you make good decisions, gets angry when you're late, wants to know
where you went, whom you talked to. The behavior will worsen until
he will control your every move.
5. Breaks or hits things.
This can serve 2 purposes. It destroys something you like or care
about and it terrorizes and frightens you.
6. Using brute force during
a discussion. Throwing the person
on the floor, shoving, pushing, and holding against the wall and
saying, "You're going to listen to me."
7. Abusers expect rapid
commitment. Many abusers know you
for less than 6 months and want a commitment from you. "Love
at first sight," and you're the only person I've ever loved,"
are common. The abuser needs someone desperately and will pressure
for a quick commitment.
CONSIDER THIS
Instead of negotiation & fairness,
accepting change and compromise, the abuser uses threats & coercion
Instead of a non-threatening behavior, talking so you feel safe
and comfortable expressing yourself, the abuser uses intimidation,
making you feel afraid, may smash things, abuse pets or anything
you care about.
Instead of economic partnership, making money decisions together,
making sure both benefit from the financial arrangement, the abuser
uses privilege, treating you like a servant, making all the important
decisions, telling you what to do.
Instead of treating you with respect, listening non-judgmentally,
being affirming and understanding, the abuser uses emotional abuse,
putting you down, making you feel bad or guilty, calling names,
making you think you're crazy.
Instead of shared responsibility, making family decisions together,
mutually agreeing on a shared work distribution, the abuser uses
economic abuse, preventing you from getting a job, asking you for
money, giving you an allowance, not letting you know or have access
to family income.
Instead of trust and support, respecting your right to your own
feelings, friends, opinions, the abuser controls with isolation,
telling you what to do, read, go, think and limits outside involvement.
Instead of responsible parenting, being a positive, non-violent
role model, the abuser uses the children, making you feel guilty
about the children, using the children to relay messages, threatening
to take the children away.
Instead of honesty & accountability, admitting to being wrong,
communicating openly and truthfully, the abuser minimizes, denies,
blames, makes light of the abuse, shifts responsibility for the
abusive behavior saying you caused it.
If you're in a physically abusive situation, get help. Don't do
anything without first consulting an expert on the subject.
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